I feel like beginning this post with a ‘Forgive me Father, for I have sinned’. Although that seems daft, because apart from flirting with a bit of Buddhist meditation, I’m not of a particularly religious persuasion. So I suppose I’m writing this post to start afresh, regardless of potential hell fire that may or may not await.
Around mid December, I was adamant that the festive season would not interrupt my training schedule. But then things happened. Amid the jingle bells and tinsel, I decided to have a few adult beverages at my work Christmas party. I wrote a blog post a while ago about my decision to stop drinking. It’s been probably a couple of years since I stopped, having realised that alcohol was a terrible catalyst for bouts of depression and self loathing. But on the night of the work do, I felt like I was missing out on something by not drinking. I can’t quite define what it was I felt I was missing out on, because I can usually act the fool whilst stone cold sober just as well as any drunk person can. Occasionally though, when my confidence isn’t quite as tip top as I would like it to be, it’s nice to have the option of using the ever so effective social lubricant that is a G&T over ice.
So I got a bit drunk. I sort of thought that since I’m now more ‘settled’ in life, living with my lovely BFG boyfriend and in a job I enjoy, I might not be quite as prone to unexplained sadness as I previously have been. Turns out, depression can still give you the finger even if you do live an otherwise comfortable and enjoyable lifestyle. Over the two days that followed I don’t think I got dressed or showered, I cried for no reason other than to let out a bit of the sadness and branded myself an unworthy, blundering idiot for failing to put together a flat pack bed. It wasn’t my finest moment I must say. So that was the block that initially threw me off track.
Almost immediately after recovering from that, I was struck down by the evil bastard that is the winter lurgy, and thought that death was upon me. I had the whole nine yards – chesty cough, blocked nose, headaches, sore throat and sinuses that seemed to have gone into melt down. So in the week I wanted to get back on track, I was having a hard time trying to y’know, breathe and stuff. You know what they say. An object at rest, wants to stay at rest (or something like that). Once you’re out of your fitness routine, getting back into it can be so difficult, particularly when the festivities are nye.
So here I am, on January the 2nd, having not trained since December 18th. I’m not exactly proud of it, and I know I’ll have to train extra hard over the next few weeks to make up for it, but still. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. I’m using this blog post as an opportunity to draw a line under my training indiscretions and move forward. Onwards and upwards, as they say.
Before I go, I have to say that having my depression take me down again for a little while really did bring home how debilitating mental health struggles can be. My depression is so mild in comparison to the issues faced by others, and yet it still has the capacity to knock me onto my arse. I’m lucky. My friends and family are generally very understanding of mental health issues, and I have people to talk to and rely on. But the fact is that even in 2016, mental health issues are still so wildly misunderstood and treated as a taboo, which means god knows how many people are still going without any help. The charity I am running the VLM for, Mind, are there to help these people. Please go and look at their website, and if you feel able, donate using the link below.
Here’s to 2016!
Mind’s Website: http://www.mind.org.uk/