Hmmm. Life is a funny old thing. I’ve been having a nostalgic afternoon, thinking back to when I was 16 and so bloody cocky and arrogant in some ways, but in others so sad and insecure.
It made me realise how long it’s been since I felt that sense of cockiness and arrogance. Growing up kinda knocks the wind out of you in that way.
I’m in a tricky situation. I like my job, I like my office, I like the people I work with, but I just feel so far from where I want to be, without even knowing where it is that I do want to be. That’s the hard bit. At least if I knew where I wanted to be I could put one foot in front of the other and take those little steps to get there. But everything is so unclear at the moment. I just know I want more than this. I just want to clarify that there’s nothing wrong with my life, it’s actually quite nice. I just sort of feel like a goldfish that has outgrown it’s tank….shit, maybe I still am arrogant and cocky.
Anyway, all of that being said, I’m probably just being impatient. I’m 25 years old, which to some probably seems like i should have my shit together by now, but I know others will definitely be able to relate. I heard Steve Jobs once say that you have to trust that the dots will connect. I think the experience I’m gaining at work will work in my favour eventually, and enable me to broaden my horizons, but I’m just not sure how.
The only thing i never ever get bored of, and could spend all day talking about, is food. I love cooking, I love baking, I love devising menus, I love making weekly meal plans, I love writing food shopping lists, I even love doing the damn food shopping. But I have no experience in the food industry, and i feel like at 25, I’m too old to start from scratch there.
So i guess I should try and use the skills I’ve acquired through my education, life and work experiences to find a way in. I just don’t know how that will work or what the end result looks like yet. Maybe it’s not a case of finding my way into an existing world, but a case of building my own.
I suppose for now, the putting one foot in front of another stage is probably to continue to grow my professional skills in my work life, and continue to grow my foodie passion in my home life, and hope that one day, the two paths meet. I don’t know if that’s not being proactive enough, or if it’s being too hopeful (is that even a thing?). Well. For now it’s the only answer I can scrape from the bottom of the barrel, so it will just have to do.
I feel like this post just gave me a bit of clarity.
This is good.